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Archive for September, 2009

Equations: Logical Conclusions: Maths: Work, Life, Fun

September 30, 2009 Leave a comment

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
Therefore,
Human – enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words,
Humans that don't know enjoy = Donkey that works
============ ========= =========

Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore,
Men – earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= =========

Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend
Therefore,
Women – spend = Donkeys
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
============ ========= =========

To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.
So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)
So, we have…
Men+ Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money
Therefore… from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

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Categories: Uncategorized

Email Forwards: Making a Baby: Jokes, double entendre

September 30, 2009 Leave a comment

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to…"

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well – when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling – I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh…equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted

Categories: Uncategorized

Street Art: Roadside Painters: The chalk guy is back: 3D: Photoshop, Images

September 30, 2009 4 comments

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Categories: Uncategorized

Street Art: Roadside Painters: The chalk guy is back: 3D: Photoshop, Images

September 30, 2009 4 comments

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Categories: Uncategorized

The problem with Analogies, Metaphors, Examples, Conversational Debates: Bacha Kiska? 18+ only

September 30, 2009 Leave a comment
 

Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child????

 

Wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor! I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."

The judge turns to Husband and says "What do you have to say in your defense?"


The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose. "Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes
out. Whose Pepsi is it? the machine's or mine?"


Yeh sunke…Wife replied : "Judge sahab…bartan mera…dudh bhi mera….aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 bunde daalne se dahi bana tu fir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do bund dalane vale ka"


Husband replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, fir chithi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?"


Frustrated Judge: "Abe Sale, Agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati."



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Categories: Uncategorized

The problem with Analogies, Metaphors, Examples, Conversational Debates: Bacha Kiska? 18+ only

September 30, 2009 Leave a comment
 

Scene: Husband and Wife in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child????

 

Wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor! I brought the child into this world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."

The judge turns to Husband and says "What do you have to say in your defense?"


The husband sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose. "Your Honor. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes
out. Whose Pepsi is it? the machine's or mine?"


Yeh sunke…Wife replied : "Judge sahab…bartan mera…dudh bhi mera….aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2 bunde daalne se dahi bana tu fir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do bund dalane vale ka"


Husband replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz maine dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, fir chithi kiski? typewriter ki ya meri?"


Frustrated Judge: "Abe Sale, Agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par custody ki naubat hi na aati."



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Categories: Uncategorized

NYT: Officials Fear New Mumbai-Style attacks by LeT Pakistan

September 30, 2009 Leave a comment

http://mobile.nytimes.com/2009/09/30/world/asia/30mumbai.xml

Pakistan-based Lashkar-e-Taiba has persisted, even flourished, since 10 recruits killed 163 people in a rampage through India’s financial capital.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Categories: Uncategorized