Archive for October 25, 2010

You won’t believe what she said: Christine O’Donnell Favors Separation of Speech and Thought

October 25, 2010 Leave a comment

October 25, 2010

Christine O’Donnell Favors Separation of Speech and Thought

Comes Out Swinging in Latest Debate

WILMINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – In a performance guaranteed to raise some eyebrows in Delaware and beyond, Tea Party candidate Christine O’Donnell said at a senatorial debate last night that she strongly supports “the separation of speech and thought.”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know if there’s anything about that in the Constitution,” she added.  “In the version of the Constitution that I read, Big Bird didn’t mention it.”

Ms. O’Donnell seemed stumped when the moderator asked whether there were any Supreme Court decisions she disagreed with, finally blurting out, “Ali v. Frazier.”

Her halting answers to many of the questions made some wonder why she had not written answers on her hand as her role model Sarah Palin has been known to do, but Ms. O’Donnell offered this explanation: “As you know, I believe it’s immoral to use your hand to help yourself.”

At the conclusion of the debate, Ms. O’Donnell pronounced herself pleased with her performance, saying that she would spend the next week concentrating on her Halloween costume: “I’m going as a qualified candidate.”

Elsewhere, the Texas Rangers advanced to the World Series, proving that once George W. Bush goes away things get better.

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Assumption is the mother of the screw-up

October 25, 2010 Leave a comment

A drunken man with a strong smell of gin…
…sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man’s tie was stained,
his face plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin
was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and
began reading. After a few minutes he turned to the priest and asked,
“Say Father, what causes arthritis?”

The priest replies, “My Son, it’s caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,
sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath!”

The drunk muttered in response, “Well, I’ll be …” and returned to
his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long
have you had arthritis?”

The drunk answered, “I don’t have it, Father. I was just reading that
the Pope does.”

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